I have just finished “I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I’m Trapped in a Rom-com” by Kimberley Lemming, and… words escape me. I am actually struggling to string a coherent sentence together for this post, but I will definitely try!

Let’s start with the title, it has comedy written all over it and don’t even get me started on the pink T-Rex on the cover. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from this novel, but it definitely not what I had read. It starts normal enough, our FMC is Dory, a Wildlife Biologist working to achieve her Phd when the unfortunate happens: she’s attacked by a lion while photographing meerkat matricide and trying to work out how to get away from the hotshot Harvard lawyer that her mother had matched her up with.

Queue the alien abduction! Dory wakes up alive after being killed by the lion, surrounded by owl-like creatures, naturally her instinct is to scream and try to escape a space ship in the middle of space. She comes across other women asleep in tubes, but only manages to get herself into an escape pod with the same lion that killed her on planet earth. Oh, and at some point she became able to communicate with all aliens and animals by kissing them, so when the lion licks her face she ended up with a talking animal companion who was as keen to escape as she was. Since neither of them can drive an alien space pod, they crash on a nearby planet that is inhabited by mutated dinosaurs and another alien race that resemble satyrs, oh, and they all happen to be only males. Anyone worked out where this is going yet? Even if you think you have, just bear with me.

After nearly being eaten by a mosasaurus, Dory and her lion, who she named Totto, are saved by a Satyr type creature named Sol who is only able to communicate with them after Dory kisses him for saving them. They survive the night, Dory is weirdly attracted to the alien who has not seen a female since the destruction of his home planet ten years ago, after which they were suddenly dumped on this planet, while Sol is interested but then freaks out about Dory’s feet thinking that she has hoof rot. In the morning, Dory and Totto wander off due to Totto’s need to eat, he tries to teach Dory how to hunt during which she inadvertently gets hung upside down in a trap. Then the second Satyr is revealed, Lok, who instantly falls for Dory and that was before she even kisses him. Sol comes charging in, stating that Lok was from an opposing clan, they fight it out until an owl alien crashes their pod trying to retrieve Dory. All three get shot by a dart, which acts as an aphrodisiac and creates a mating bond between them. It’s at this point the true nature of the planet is revealed, any guesses?

It’s a mating program! The boys planet was crashed into by an owl aliens fuel carrier which poisoned their planet and killed their whole population, the fuel company was tasked with repairing the devastation to the species. So, they grabbed some Satyrs, not realising that they were all males, and landed them on a conservation planet that was designed to vaguely resemble their own. Then, a program was initiated to find a species that, with the appropriate modifications, could reproduce with these creatures, which brings us to the abducted human females. They took only females who had suffered an immediate death, healed and modified their reproductive system, then brought them back to life and dropped them off on the planet to begin breeding. They put animals, plants and houses from planet earth to make them feel more comfortable, unfortunately they got all of their information from museums with dinosaur bones and a romance novel with a one-bed trope.

Dory gives in to her urges as does Lok and Sol, which just gets weird because they have tails with suction capabilities on the end of them as well as ridges on their tongues and manhood. I say again, things get weird, especially with the owl alien observing them for ‘research’. So, Dory decides to march her way to the main research centre and punch the guy in charge in the face, her new mates follow her. Eventually, they all get separated, there’s an ensuing battle that has carried on from the boys previous planet which has resulted in the King wanting to kill Lok, using dirty tactics but there’s no possible way he could win on his own. Oh, and he manages to get a female bonded to him who was definitely not ok with it and tries to shoot him multiple times. Those two are perfect for each other, just saying.

Anyways, things work out, Sol and Lok are saved as is Dory, even Totto finds himself a mate in a female sabre tooth tiger. Dory even manages to punch the boss owl in the face, and has sex with Lok and Sol, again, on the alien’s desk after Totto dragged the unconscious alien out of the room. Meanwhile, the King and his human mate were dragged off to couples counselling which resulted in a whole level of the research centre being blown up.

So much more happens in this book, but I just can’t bring myself to explore all of it here. If you enjoy a good laugh and an extreme version of a rom-com with aliens and a talking lion, go for it!